eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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