Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
