SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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