I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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