I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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