I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
