Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This baby is an asshole
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
