I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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