Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
