i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
