just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
