have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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