So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize