what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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