there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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