he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
