i think i have two assholes
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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