They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
