Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
