so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
