my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
