Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
