I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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