btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
