my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
