But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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