I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
