i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
