Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
that is very illegal...i love you.
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