P.S. I can't hear my feet
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
