that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
