my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
