the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
