All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
