the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize