Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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