Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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