i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
