I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
