Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
