My hand turned me down
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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