She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Randomize