You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
