i just had sex bonerless
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
