Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
