I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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