Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
