My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have aggressive nipples.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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