Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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