all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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