she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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