i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
