She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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