You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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