We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ttyl tear gas
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize