one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
