I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize