Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
