I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
