btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
