so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
