Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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