i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
