Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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