I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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