Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
