i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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