Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my poor anus
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
