If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize