i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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