I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
