I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
