Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
