Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
