so let's talk penis.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
