Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize