remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
being pregnant is like rehab
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
