she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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