didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
