I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize