In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
