Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
