So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
