yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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