final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
