I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
