i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
