accomplished twins. life is a go
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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