I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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