I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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