Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
