so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
