So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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