so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
