have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
