I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize