do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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