So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
