Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We have started to decorate penises.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
