Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Bring me that man meat
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
