I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
