I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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