I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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