I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
