you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
