Already got asked if we're dating
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
