I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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