I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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