I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
