She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
