I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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