remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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