naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize