we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
